Help Wanted

I'm sure if taxi drivers posted for conductors, this is how the ad would look.

Looking for one taxi conductor...
Must be able to yell loudly and incomprehensibly
Can make change quickly and has a good memory for faces
Must be small as so no to take up an entire seat
Must be able to convince police that despite a label saying 14 people, 18 is perfectly acceptable
Criminal Record preferred, but any unpunished petty theft acceptable.

Please apply at either the New or Old Taxi Park.